OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
