dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
