im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
