I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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