Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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