i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
