I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
