How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Barsexuality is the new black.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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