I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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