Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
how does that bad decision feel?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
