I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
