Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
did i just pee glitter
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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