Dude my mom stole all your condoms
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
