We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
