You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
