I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
