I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
