Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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