So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
