while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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