You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
