I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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