Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
