I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
