Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
