I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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