and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
