I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize