There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
