were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
