Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize