were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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