i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
