Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
