I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
