need another drink. this is the easiest way
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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