you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
