I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
