I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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