Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
