My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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