she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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