I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
love makes seman taste better
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
