guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
