I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
