I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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