I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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