I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
