Define "chronic" masturbator.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Green mimosas i think yes
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
