I CAN MOONWALK!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
