I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
