That's when you crack a 10am beer
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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