dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I understand Curling. That high.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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