shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
