Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
