i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
