my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
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I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
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God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no