he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
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And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
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Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car