Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job

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(813): View more from Florida

Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?

(203): View more from Connecticut

everyone's regretting their thursdays.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(330): View more from Ohio

Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag

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(770): View more from Georgia

Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.

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(716): View more from New York

OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.

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(419): View more from Ohio

Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!

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