I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
