So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
