Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!