I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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