There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
