how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
