$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
