guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
