someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
