My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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