That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I AM VODKA MAN
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
