Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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