So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
