i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
