I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
