If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
