my phone needs a breathalizer
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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