I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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