His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
